Adventures with grilled cheese

I know what you are thinking: “Lorraine, you don’t know how to make grilled cheese, one of the easiest dishes to make, do you?”

There is a simple answer to this. No…no I don’t. But I still tried today in an effort to implement my “learn by doing” philosophy.

First I found the grill, set it up and turned it on. Easy as pie. Although I’m sure I wouldn’t be very successful in making one of those either. Next I got out my ingredients and wondered where to start.

Buttering one side of the bread, I threw it on the grill and stared at it, mildly panicking at what to do next. I figured I should have buttered the other side too, so I pulled it back and did so, smearing butter all over my hand in the process. Now what? Do I grill the other piece of bread? Do both sides need to be done? When does the cheese make its entrance? How many slices of cheese do I use? I hope I don’t end up melting the toaster with the grill like I did the last time I used it…

Making a quick guess, I unwrapped six cheese slices and put them on the first piece of bread. I flipped the other piece of toast and then thought I should flip the piece with the cheese on it. Clearly I couldn’t do this without searing the cheese to the grill. So I picked off the half melted cheese as best as I could and flipped the bread which was quickly turning into toast.

Laughing at my lack of grilled cheese skills, I tried to sawder the first piece of bread back together as it broke apart in the flipping process. Then I rationed that the cheese should help keep it together and slabbed it back on. I decided there was way too much cheese and took a few stuck-together pieces off. But what a waste of cheese that would be to throw out! Back on the bread it went with its cheese brothers and sisters. The worst being over with, I put the other piece on top to finally make it into a sandwich. The tallest grilled cheese sandwich I have ever seen, standing at an inch and a half.

For all the strife, it was pretty good except for the excess of cheese. But next time I think I’ll just stick to heating up hot dogs in the microwave.

Phone Encounters of the Sunrise Records Kind

Just got off the phone with Sunrise Records. I'm trying to compare prices for The Office Season 2 (premiere of season 3 tonight, woo!) and Gilmore Girls season 6. Let me share my phone experience with you.

"GoodafternoonsunriserecordshowcanIhelpyou"

"Oh, hi how are you?"

"Good, and yourself?"

"Good, I was wondering if you could check on some prices for me?"

"Sure, can you hang on a sec?"

"No problem."

*puts receiver down*

Timer on phone: 2:26

*background yammering: "That'll be $103.56. Yeah sorry, that's not the right price, that's like, double the right price...sorry about that."*

Timer on phone: 5:48

*Lorraine starts wondering how long it will be before he picks up phone again*

*backround yammering: "Yeah, you just go out to the hall and turn right. Yeah I can help you find that. Is that all you're looking for today?"*

Timer on phone: 8:49

*Lorraine is convinced person has forgotten about phone and wonders how long it will be till he remembers*

Timer on phone: 9:03

"Hey there sorry about that."

"That's ok, it was only nine minutes and three seconds."

"Oh, you're timing me eh?"

"Well, not intentionally, the timer just happened to be there on my phone. Busy day?"

"Oh yeah! So you're looking for some prices?"

"Yeah, The Office Season 2, American version?"

"And who is this?"

"Pardon me?"

"You're calling Sunrise Records?"

"Yes...where is this?"

"This is Eastgate mall."

"Yes...Sunrise Records though right..."

"Yeah. Who's calling?"

"Erm...uhh...my name is Lorraine?"

"And you're calling from Sunrise Records??"

"NO, I am CALLING Sunrise Records...I just need some prices!"

"OH...oh sorry, I'm a creep."

"Haha...it's ok."

"The Office is out of stock right now."

"Do you know the list price for it though?"

"Aw man, I have to go get my paper...do you want to wait another 9 minutes?"

"No...no I don't."

"K hold on a sec."

"Ok...and this better be good!"

*ruffling of papers*

"It's $36.99"

"Ok. And can I get you to check ONE more thing for me?"

"Oh COME ON, you're making me do work!"

"I know, I'm sorry...I know you don't expect to being at your job and all..."

"Yeah, and I got these people calling pretending to be someone else..."

"Yeah, those crazy callers...Gilmore Girls season 6?"

"*sigh* $54.99. Plus a tip."

"A tip!! Of course I get a discount for having to wait so long right?"

"Oh yeah for sure."

"Awesome. Well thanks."

"No problem!"

*end convo*


Is it strange that I think I have a crush on this person?? And might POSSIBLY be heading there now to see what he looks like? Yeah, I thought so too...

A Procrastinator's Guide To Doing Homework (In 28 Easy Steps)

1. Day of assignment: Think about how you have a glorious five days to do the assignment. Think about starting it that very night. Go out to see your friend's roller derby practise instead. Wince when they fall and hit the boards.
2. Day before assignment is due: Plan to get up extra early to get a good start on assignment. Wake up at 8 or 9. Convince yourself you just need another hour or two of sleep. Get up at 3pm.
3. Wander downstairs and make some food. Ooo and ahhh about books that finally arrived in the mail for you from amazon. Read books for one hour.
4. Go upstairs to shower and get ready for another night class (not class assignment is due in.)
5. Realise there is no time to do assignment before night class. Vow to start right after class. Get to class early and try to buy your textbook for that class. Discover they are on backorder and that you shouldn't have waited until twenty minutes before class to buy it.
6. Stop for food on way home from class.
7. Eat food when home be reached in front of the tv.
8. Go to start assignment around 10:30; this of course means going to the computer where internet is located.
9. Just to "settle into" the computer, first check email and say hi to friends online. Check blogs. Google random things before opening up your school email to check on your assignment.
10. Realize you can't get in because the bastards haven't sent you your student number yet.
11. Half heartedly reach for your binder to check assignment. Realize table that binder is on is messy...tidy up table.
12. Find one of your new books on table...read for one hour.
13. Open binder. Realize pages are not three hole punched and need to be entered into binder.
14. Go search old room for hole punch. Find and inspect interesting things along the way, such as mates to socks you thought your dryer ate and a box of old cassettes of bands you'd forgotten how much you loved.
15. Meticulously hole punch every paper.
16. Do the same for your other classes' binders.
17. Realize pens are loose and need pencil case. Go in search of pencil case from high school two years before.
18. Find more interesting things in old room during search.
19. By 2:30 in the morning give up on finding pencil case.
20. Sit down to computer again.
21. Get reacquainted with computer again by checking email, blogs, etc. Decide to procrastinate further by blogging about procrastinating on homework on your blog.
22. Resolve to get up early and do assignment.

Here is what I am predicting what will happen past this step:

23. Toss and turn all night thinking about assignment.
24. Sleep in, rush assignment, debate handing in late.
25. Think of myriad of excuses to present as to why assignment is late.
26. Decide assignment has given you more grief than it's worth.
27. Stop caring about assignment.
28. Repeat all steps for next assignment.

Oh homework...will we ever be able to live in harmony together? Brush each other's hair instead of pulling it out? Reminisce and laugh over a cup of hot chocolate about the old days when we didn't get along?? Paint our friendship rainbow?!?

Quote-erific

Driving home from St. Catharines at 3 in the morning:

"Did that sign say 'Watch for slow children'?!?" -Me

"I think it said 'Slow, watch for children." - Laura

"Oh...it's much funnier the other way." -Me

Speaking of quotes, our overhead at the beach quotes that I submitted from our camping trip recently got posted on the site. Which means a) I'm famous and B) people all around the world can laugh at the sillyness! I'm glad we were able to spread sillyness around...cause really, if you don't have sillyness, what do you have? A life without sillyness is not a life worth living.

You can read said quotes here and here

Cinderella Pinatas

Pinatas: The only time you're rewarded for beating the crap out of something. Except maybe that stupid Ultimate Fighter show...shudup.

The other day I was killing time at Walmart during my oil change. While I fought off McDonald's cravings, I wandered down various aisles till I found these: Cinderella pinatas.

Is it just me, or does the idea of clubbing a beautiful poised princess for the objective of smashing her to pieces to get candy out strange to anybody else? What happened to the ugly donkeys?? Animal rights activists step in? I mean, did they ever think that little girls would be a little hesitant to beat the crap out of someone (that I assume) they idolize? Although I suppose they are blindfolded when they are carrying out the beating...than how heartbroken would they be to take off the blindfold and discover they had beaten Cinderella to death?? Oh, the humanity!

The only way I can make sense of this is to use the Cinderella pinata as an outlet for pent up rage for not being able to have the fairy tale life that she has...and for stealing Prince Charming. Lord knows how few good guys are left out there, and she has to seduce the best of them. However, that should be geared to a girl more of my age than a six year old. Hmmm...I think I just thought of a new marketing strategy for Disney pinatas! AND a new therapy exercise...not that I have any other therapy exercises...cause I'm not crazy. I swear. *cough*

Camping Excitement

Two weeks ago-ish, we (Diana, Dave, myself and Paul) went camping up at Tobermory. For those of you who don't know where Tobermory is, just follow Highway 6 north for about five hours, and when you see the sign that says "Losing Weight? Fight Back! - Tobermory Sweet Shop" then you'll know you're close. Other signs you may encounter are "Please Brake For Snakes" and "Rock on" ('Rockton' with the T painted out).

Good times were had by all, and I think I really survived quite well with the lack of showers, lack of microwaves, and abundance of red squirrels that somehow sound like rattle snakes. I knew I could take a few days of camping, but even by the end, I didn't go girly at all! Proud of me?? I am! *pats self on back*

The following is a succession of funny quotes and pictures from said camping trip. And as anxious as I know you all are to see the pictures, read the quotes gosh darn it! They are amusing. At least they are to me...and really that's all that matters...ha.

“Dave, do you recall hitting me in the face with the football yesterday?” –Lorraine
“I don’t think so.” – Dave
“I hit you in the face a few times...” – Diana
“Really??” – Lorraine

“We need to watch for the nudist colony…and the streetcar on someone’s lawn.” – Lorraine
“Aren’t there oversized things too?” – Diana
“YES! Dinosaurs! Ah, the landmarks of highway 6.” – Lorraine

“I just want to call someone it…nord. NORD!” – Diana

“Did you see that? ‘Speed signs doubled when workers present.’” – Diana
“You mean ‘fines’?” – Dave
“Yeah…did I say ‘signs’?” – Diana
“Yup. ‘Sorry officer, I thought I could go 160.” – Dave

“The cows aren’t showing us their butts so it’s not going to rain.” – Diana
“But they’re lying down so it IS going to rain.” – Dave
“The cows are giving us mixed signals!!” – Diana

“Do you think there’s a technical term for mooing?” – Diana
“Yes. Dave Newport” – Paul

“I like the taste of your eye-skin.” – Diana to Dave

“You could dry the dishes.” – Diana
“But I’m full!” – Dave

“Dave wasn’t snoring. He mewed a few times.” – Diana

“Diana are you ok driving?” – Lorraine
“…we’ve only been driving for an hour!” – Diana

“Paul?” – Lorraine
“Yes?” – Paul
“…I’m afraid a bear is going to eat me.” - Lorraine
“You’re paranoid.” - Paul
“What would you do if a bear attacked me?” - Lorraine
“I’d come to the funeral.” - Paul
“You’re a good friend.” – Lorraine

“When I jumped, I didn’t get any nose up my water.” – Diana after cliff jumping

*Diana goes pee, and we all exchange a look at the waterfall sound*:
“What, is there a horse over there?” –Dave

“Steak and hamburger…what’s wrong with that?” – Dave
“Beef me up Scotty!” – Diana

“Why don’t you shoot for the moon?” – Diana during Hearts
“Why don’t you shoot your foot?” – Dave

“Get away devil woman!” – Dave after Diana gives him the queen of spades and tries to make up for it through hugs

“Go get your uncle!” – Dave to small fish he caught as he puts him back in the lake

“Who cooks bacon with their bare hands? I do! Ouch.” – Dave

“Seagulls; rare and terrifying. Feasting on water snakes and girls in their early twenties.” - Dave

*pictures will come as soon as blogger stops being GAY...and I don't mean in the homosexual OR happy way!*

Little Lorraine

What a strange experience to read about where you thought you would be at this age from when you were young. Upon going through old memoribilia from elimentary school I stumbled across my school journal from grade 7:

Entry #17: Where do you see yourself in ten years?

November 26, 1997

10 years from now, I will be 22 or 23. I hope to be married (no kids yet) and to be a famous actress, author, musician, or something to do with animals (like a trainer of some sort). Oh, I wouldn't mind being a singer or in a band, either. I also, sometime in the future, want to move down to Florida. Maybe Tampa, or Orlando. Close enough to go to Disney World, Universal studios, Sea World, Busch Gardens, and other cool places. I like it down there because there's beautiful weather, and so many nice places. No earthquakes. I might even get to see a tornado or two!

I suppose I'm not 22 yet (not till next April) so my grade 7 hopes could still come true, haha. I can't help but wonder what the younger me would think of where I am now. I hope she'd go easy on me for not being rich and famous (yet, haha). Looking back on this entry, a few things stick out to me:

• I have no idea where the animal trainer/Florida stuff came from...that was probably the only place I'd ever really travelled to at the time.
• I clearly had no concept of how quickly those years pass by; Married right now? HA!!
• Apparently I had better spelling and grammar as a twelve year old than most people I currently speak to on the internet...or at least from that dang plenty of fish site. And I think that's more a commentary on today's level of literacy than my writing skills.

All that aside, I think I've discovered a new way to live my life; to make my younger self proud. Hopefully she's easy to please and has a special place in her heart for laziness and cheesecake consumed in large quantities.

The Flipping Of The Bird

It occured while I was about to pull out of my parking spot on one of my routine (and by 'routine' I mean extremely rare) trips to Canadian Tire. I had just finished returning my tent that I used to camp with all week. My mom argued that this was much like buying a dress for a dance and returning it the next day. I argued that A)I had every intention of keeping the tent and B) they said I had 30 days to return it. I chose to exercise that right because the tent is hexagon, and therefore ridiculous. I stand by my decision and rights as a tent-purchaser (we're unionizing next week) especially since the sales lady tried to argue that it was a 7 day over the counter return policy. I told her "I'll policy YOU!" ...Ok I lied about that part.

The van in the parking space directly infront of me was backing out. I noticed him slam on his brakes abruptly as another car veered into the empty spot next to him. As far as I could tell, he didn't come anywhere close to hitting the other car.

All of a sudden, the car that pulled in next to him (a carload of full grown ADULTS in beautiful traditional Indian clothing) start sticking their hands out the window and flipping the guy the bird. The thing that amused me the most was that it was completely sporatic: one person, than another, than another, as if they were deciding to take turns. Sometimes they would go in two person combos, and by the finale all of them stuck their hands out in unison to crescendo to the worst middle finger slaying I have ever witnessed, all while muttering what I am sure were angry sentiments.

I couldn't help but giggle to myself as I pulled through and drove away. Mostly because for the life of me, I could not shake the mental image of the family as a board of "whack-a-moles" randomly throwing up their middle fingers and the guy they were flipping off hitting them with a big rubber mallet.