Google (The Wise & Powerful)

I was in the middle of doing laundry tonight when I noticed one of my white shirts - despite having been bleached repeatedly - was still not looking quite as white as I would like it to. Being the resourceful perfectionist that I am, I immediately consulted the all-knowing Google.

Oh wise and powerful Google, the 2000's version of www.askjeeves.com, the modern-day magic 8 ball of all knowledge replacing vague, obtuse answers such as "ask again later" or "outlook not so good" with millions of answers of every colour, shape and size conveniently categorized into "results". But you are not only a provider of knowledge, oh no...you also add joy to already joyous holidays by presenting a lovely custom Google graphic logo. I always know when it's Halloween because when I google something on October 31st, I see the letter G is lookin' mighty smug in its witches hat, and those two little o's are lookin' mighty uncomfortable stewing in that cauldron. Although, I must say, even on an average day, just seeing those primary colours (plus that sneaky non-primary-coloured green 'l') softly dance around the curves of the Google letters makes me feel happy. I think because those colours subconsciously remind me of crayons. And, really, who doesn't like the thought of crayons?

So laundry...right. I log on to google (the wise and powerful), type the first three words of "how to get your shirts their whitest" and see google (the wise and powerful) - like an over-zealous student that sits at the front of the class and yips "OOOHHH OHHH! PICK ME, I KNOW, I KNOW!" while nearly falling out of his chair from pushing his hand so far in the air in an effort to answer the question before the teacher has even finished asking it - present me with its top ten guesses for what I am hoping to learn how to get. Here is the list:

Let's take a moment to examine the top ten things that people have googled "how to get".

• "How to get rid of fruit flies" is second ONLY to "How to get pregnant". We hate them so much that as soon as we conquer that challenging and highly emotional conception problem, the most prominent issue in our minds is dealing with those damn fruit flies.
• 50% of the listed items are cosmetic.
• People desperately want to know how to get a guy to like them, but not as desperately as wanting to know how to get a girl to like them.
• 'Bed bugs', despite being used for ages as a seemingly cute bedtime rhyme for children ("Goodnight...sleep tight...don't let the bed bugs bite...") actually DO exist, and, coming in at number 8, are much more prevalent than we might have thought. (Although, not as prevalent as fruit flies.)

On a google (the wise and powerful) sub-topic, have you ever googled yourself? I just did. Just now. Just for funsies. Check it out:

1,210,000 results! Google (the wise and powerful) loves me THAT much. I knew the feeling was mutual.

Antonio Wants Some Pringles

I admit it, in the past I have met people off of the internet. But before I ever met anyone in person, I would talk to people who lived far away and just chat over the internet or phone if I felt comfortable.

Antonio is one of these people.

When I first "met" him about five years ago, he was living in New Jersey and part of a band that was on the edge of making it big. I still have their CD. They traveled around the country in a school bus that he owns, but scratched off certain letters to make it say "Cool Bus" instead. He's a bit older than me, but a big kid at heart. And he knows WAY too many people. And he cracks me up.

Today I got to catch up with him for the first time in two years, and it's always like no time has gone by since we chatted. He still lives in New Jersey, but quit the band to pursue his own stuff. Now he works for the company that distributes Pringles doing audio editing, and is soon to be the star of a television commercial. He sent them this video which they recently decided to air as an official commercial during American Idol.

(The embed version isn't working for some reason, so you'll have to click on this link to view his ridiculous pringles commercial. It's worthwhile, trust me.)

http://www.jinglesforpringles.com/jingle/8/

Whether we will see it in Canada or not, I do not know. But watching it here is more than enough for me! Oh Antonio, you silly monkey you. What will you be doing in another two years??

Tubing With You

I've never done the posting of video clips on my blog before. Mainly 'cause I was too lazy to figure out how. UNTIL TONIGHT. Turns out I knew how to all along. I always suspected I was right. Anywho, here's some of my favourite youtube clips! And there are many more where these came from. (I know you're excited...so am I!)

Whose Line Is It Anyway - The first time I saw this I replayed it three times I thought it was so funny.



Darth Vader Prank - Yes it goes black for a few seconds, keep watching!


Cracked Lord of the Rings TBS commercial - "When Gandolf rides his white horse......watch out middle earth!"

Another Guilty Pleasure

After much deliberation and hours of intense mental debate, carefully weighing the pros and cons of the situation, I reconciled with myself and gave in to temptation. I've added another item to my list of guilty pleasures. It will be listed somewhere in between liking those corny Leon's commercials, writing out stupid names on "hello my name is" name tags, and typing naked at my computer. (Suckers...you're none the wiser!) This one is naturally internet related, as are the rest of the items on my guilty pleasures list. Oh man, I don't really want to identify what this is. But I must...admitting it is half the battle. I can do this. Here we go: my name is Lorraine, and I am a myspace addict.

It started out innocently. Coerced by a mixture of peer pressure and my own curiosity, I grudgingly signed up and filled out a brief profile. However, being completely unimpressed with the layout, disappointed at the people that requested to "be my friend", and increasingly frustrated because I couldn't figure out how to design my page, I wrote it off as stupid pop culture and left it be.

Do you have a myspace? - Laura

No, that thing is so stupid. I'd feel so geeky being on it. -Lorraine

...but you have a website, three blogs, you're on hotornot AND plentyoffish... and signing up for the one thing that everybody on the internet has is going to make you feel geeky? -Laura

Yes. Shutup. -Lorraine

Before long, boredom began to set in - as it usually does when I'm on the internet and out of pages to visit - so I decided to give myspace another chance. This time I noticed somebody from my elementary school and high school had requested to be on my friends list. I haven't seen her since high school and occassionaly wondered how she was doing, so I was happy to add her. Then I discovered all the cool groups and people that you could add! My favourite bands?Zach Braff? The Imponderables?? I'll take five of each please! Ok I know that probably doesn't make sense. Although five helpings of Zach Braff would be mighty enjoyable.

So here I now sit, day after day, with another medium of distraction from the physical outside world. But at least I have other myspace addicts to keep me company. To date, I am up to 46 friends. And every time I log on and see people have added me or accepted my request to be friends, I can't help but let out a "damn right!"
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Postscript: You can be my friend if you want. At least on myspace. Click here for my profile.

Plenty Of Fish

I'm addicted to this stupid website: www.plentyoffish.com

Honestly...I can't drag myself away from it. I don't want to date anybody, and if I did I certainly would not (ok probably would not) go on a dating website...but it's fun and stuff! Sure, 90% of the people on it are as weird as that guy in highschool who asked every girl out and kept attempting stand up comedy, but there are some fun people to talk to. I like meeting new people...and stuff...

So this website is completely free, and you can email back and forth and they even have their own instant messenger. You get practically unlimited space to write what you want and put up however many pictures you want. Much better than hotornot.com, although they have the option to rate people too. Which, yes, is terribly shallow, but come on, it's a shallow society we live in.

All in all, I've found yet another means of distraction from doing work. As if this blog and msn weren't enough. Check it out if you're bored. Just remember you'll probably throw back most of the fish that you catch.

Illustrating the world...and my blog!

Hizzah!! I can post pictures! Oh glorious day, oh glorious day...*cough*. Ok I'm done.

Blog...that's a funny word

Well well well...it's seems I've been converted into the blogging cult...personally, I blame Darren, Larissa, Dave, and Laura for this. It's just like euchre...for so long I refused to learn how to play. All I could see was those learing faces looking at me with dead empty eyes saying in zombie-like monotone voices "Euchre...play euchure...come join us...JOIN US!!!"

Ok so that might be a slight exaggeration.

The point is, I've joined the blogging epidemic...here I am, with my thoughts (or lack thereof) and possibly feelings. I wonder what crazy adventures this road will bring me down...or if I will get bored of this as soon as I finish this post and let this be the first and last post on this website...