Busted

"This is your brain when you're speeding: 'hehehehehehe I'm speeding....' This is your brain when you get caught: 'crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap!'" - radio commercial that speaks the truth.

So it finally happened. All this dreading of "my luck is going to run out one day" can now be let go of...my luck ran out yesterday. Personally, I blame you for this. (It's fun to blame things on people that are in no way responsible...you should try it sometime!)

Flying up highway six north yesterday I thought I was invincible...nice straight road...few cars on the road...nice clear day...excellent conditions for being able to see a cop well in advance right?? Wrong...

The bugger snuck up on me from the other side of the road...and caught me going what I admit is an appalling speed...guess what it was...(the speed limit was 80.) 100? Nope...120? Nope...130? Nope...well...sorta....134...*whimpers* Not even my fake FBI ID could save me...and believe me I tried! Agent Nerd has no jurisdiction in Guelph...

I thought he might reduce it...I was lucky the last time I was pulled over...but no...he showed no mercy. Not even when I started bawling my eyes out. Not even when I pretended to think the limit was 100 making it not soooo bad. His words of comfort to me?

"You know, I very well might have saved your life."

Oooooo......yes....thank you for that officer. Can I get your address so that I may personally send you a thank you note and a lovely fruit basket?? Because cleary by pulling me over on a completely clear day on an almost completely open and straight road, you have saved my life. That's a GREAT spin to put on the situation. Thanks so much for giving me the opportunity to appear in COURT in GUELPH which is an HOUR away from my house in August so that I may have my license SUSPENDED for a month. Clearly I am indebted to you...also, if I had balls, now would be the time I would invite you to lick them.

I am a good friggin' driver. I have never been in an accident. I have avoided many accidents from people who have almost driven into ME. My driving record is nearly spotless except for a speeding ticket I got about four years ago. I know I was driving fast...but I wasn't driving recklessly...I'm alert and pay extra attention to the road when I have to drive faster. And the limit really SHOULD be 100 there...and even with all the excuses I'm making, I still don't think I deserve this.

My first favourite part was when he seriously asked me if I was in the FBI because of the fake ID I carry around for fun in my wallet. He actually inspected it. My second favourite part was when he was helplessly trying to say things to make me feel better (or just saying things cause he didn't know what to say) as I sat crying, and he slowly walked away..."Do you know where the courthouse is? (I ALREADY TOLD YOU I'VE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE YOU TWAT) It's downtown, you can't miss it. (THANKS FOR THE TIP, I'LL REMEMBER THAT IN A MONTH) They'll PROBABLY reduce it...(IF THAT'S THE CASE YOU COULD JUST REDUCE IT NOW AND SAVE US BOTH THE TIME, MONEY AND AGGRAVATION!!) are you going to show up on that day? (WHAT DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO SAY RIGHT NOW, 'NO'? I'LL BE TOO BUSY JOY RIDING A BAG OF COCAINE OVER THE BORDER??)" I should have said "yes, I'll drive there as fast as I can." Bahaha........ah.

Oh...uhhh...if anyone talks to my parents....yeah don't mention this quite yet....haven't quite found the way to break it to them....I have a feeling "I got busted for doing 134 in an 80" won't go over too well...maybe I can tell them something worse first so it won't seem so bad:

"Mom...dad...I'm pregnant and am eloping with the father. I also got a ticket for doing 134 in an 80. Oh, and just kidding about the whole pregnant eloping thing..."