Introducing Salsa Webcam Chatanugan

Last night Sandra hosted a BBBQ (the extra B is for BBYOB. That extra B is a typo) and although the weather spat on us a bit and threatened to send us a tornado, we prevailed. (And dare I say...excelled?) It was good times hanging with people I haven't seen in awhile and Sandra's cool tree planting friends. At one point I took over BBQing and had an interesting bout with the zuccini...I had no idea you could BBQ zuccini. One rule to remember: when it's mushy it's done. I also discovered how good a seat cushion Shawn makes. I'm thinking of marketing him. He even comes with a massage option....ooooooooo!

Here are some quotes for yours and my enjoyment:

• "What's a word that has to do with killing??" -Laura "...love." -Shawn
• "It's cause she was smoking pot." - Lorraine *Laura gives Lorraine a funny look* "I mean.....not pot......TOP....." - Lorraine
• *Laura has us all brainstorming a good name for her for roller derby.* "You should use an American Gladiator name...or an X-Men name...like Ice...or Rogue...or Jean Grey..." -Lorraine "NIGHTCRAWLER!!" -Shawn Other suggestions: Juggernaught Jesus...ok that's all I can remember, although we spent a good hour brainstorming names ha.
• "I'm going to go brush my teeth so that I don't eat any more." - Sandra
• "The last two things that you've said have been 'webcam' and 'webcam what what'" -Shawn to Dave
• "He's wearing sandals and it's completely throwing me off" -Lorraine

As cool as all my friends and the new people I met are, my favourite visitor of the night was actually not human. By making her presence known by endless meowing, we adopted Salsa Webcam Chatanugan. Or as Shawn named her, "Cat". She was named Salsa because that's what we fed her. Webcam...well it was kind of a theme throughout the night. And I have no idea where Chatanugan came from.

Her head was constantly tilted to one side for some reason and she was essentially skin and bone. Toward the end of the night I sat with her on the patio and petted her and fed her what I could. (I eventually went inside to give her a scoop of cat food and a bowl of water). The little bugger just wormed her way into my heart. Upon leaving I had to sit her down and make her understand that it wasn't her...it was me. She followed me where ever I went. Well, until she figured out I was leaving and wasn't giving her more food anyway. Smart cat.

The whole experience reminded me of how much I crave a pet and how much it sucks that I can't have one. (Whole family is allergic except for me). It's also making it awkward when I visit friends and end up spending more time with their pet than with them.

Hopefully this will be remedied when I move to Australia. Oh...did I forget to mention that?

*pictures to come*

A Family of Quotes

The following was assembled yesterday when we got together for Darren's birthday and later on the way to see The Devil Wears Prada. Personally I always thought the devil would be more of a Gucci type person. Erm, being. Character??
_____________________________

"Has anyone seen that t.v. series 'littletown'?" - Mom

"........you mean Smallville?" - Larissa

_____________________________

My brother Chris on his friend leading a worship song during a church service:

"He was talking during this really soft, worshipful music interlude and accidentally said 'praise the son of Jesus.' Then he stopped and was like 'wait a second...that's a bit theoretically incorrect...uhhh...' . Then he just went right into the next song...we made fun of him for the entire trip."

_____________________________

My other brother Darren reading his birthday card that says on the cover:

'Only a brother that is thoughtful, amazing, and virtually faultless can open this card.'

*the card is glued shut so that you cannot open it and must read the back. Darren does not accept this and rips the card open anyway*

"THERE! Now I am what the card says...I'M WHAT THE CARD SAYS!!"

_____________________________

Sidenote: When mom made her Smallville comment, I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote it down so I wouldn't forget it. Larissa sees me do this and says to my mom "You are SO getting blogged." They know me too well...

A side hobby while watching American Gladiator

Sue and I (with minor contributions from Cal) brainstormed the following when we tripped across American Gladiators on tv the other day. Gawd, I miss that show...if only for the purpose of seeing people get their asses kicked and laughing at them. Luckily most of that need is fulfilled through watching MXC.

Unlikey (but funny) names for an American Gladiator:

• creampuff
• gimpy
• daisy
• twinkle toes
• bucktooth
• skippy
• fattie
• twinkie
• flubber
• stumpy
• pink fizz
• chip
• skippy
• dwight
• any of the seven dwarfs

Suggested names for an American Gladiator:

• roadkill
• extinguisher
• vengeance
• oxide
• pillar
• carnivore
• wasabi
• piro
• fusion
• cougar
• zinc
• any of the x-men names
• barry

The emotional roller coaster of lost and found

I cannot describe to you the knot of dread and disappointment that forms in the pit of your stomach when you realize that something you love is missing...and possibly gone forever. Shock and denial set in as you are faced with the reality of living without it. You feel lost, alone...as if you have lost a part of your very self; a limb, or perhaps a vital organ. The feeling eminates in waves originating in your stomach, then dispersing throughout the rest of your body, ending in a hot flash of panic.

What you feel upon discovering said lost object is quite the opposite; a hot flash of exhileration, and waves of ecstacy tingling all over your body until you are fully consumed in elation. Those who have stuck by me these last few weeks will know of what I speak, and no doubt will share in my exuberation over finding the filler of the dull and empty void that I have suffered through.

Yes my friends...I found my CD wallet.

All of my little babies in tact...and although suffering from heatstroke, appear to be in all other ways, unharmed.

They were hiding in the backseat of my dad's car, behind the large headrest, and only visible through the back windshield. How they arrived there in the first place, I do not care...all that matters is that they are home, safe and sound.

I would not have noticed them had I not forgotten my license and had to sit in the passenger's side of the car on the way home. (In the morning I'm much too tired to notice anything besides my blanket and pillow in the car). The sunlight caught it in it's light, and I stared at it, wondering if it was some sort of desert mirage. Surely I had hallucinated seeing my CD's in other places these last few weeks...even checking places I had already checked five times just in case they magically appeared. Places such as my glove compartment which is really too small to fit the CD's in the first place. I thought I had thoroughly searched my father's car...I thought wrong.

All the way home from work I hugged my CD's to my bossom...running my hands along the soft plastic which felt as if it had slightly melted from prolonged sun exposure...admiring it's faint sparkles hidden in the navy blue...flipping through all my CD's to individually assure them that I would never leave them again. I will be purchasing a child leash to ensure this.

It took me a good chunk of time to compose myself. My jaw was dropped down for the first quarter of the ride home. My father had to endure endless rantings of "I CAN'T BELIEVE I FOUND IT...I CAN'T BELIEVE IT...I'M IN SHOCK...I THOUGHT THEY WERE GONE FOREVER...YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GOOD THIS FEELS...YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I YEARNED FOR THEM...I CANNOT PUT IT INTO WORDS HOW HAPPY I AM TO HAVE FOUND THEM..."

Dad's response: "Well Lorraine, you can't take them to bed with you."

Yeah...we'll see about that.

Niagara Falls and the Denny's bathroom encounter

This past Friday night I ventured off to Niagara Falls with my brother, his lovely wife, and their friend Ashley who is up visiting from the States. Unbeknowest to me, there is a fireworks show every Friday and Sunday night in the summer at 10:00 pm with live (although somewhat crappy) music before hand. We got there just in time to see the show, which was pretty spectacular, except for having to endure my brother's orgasm sounds at every huge explosion. "Darren...those are sounds that as your sister, I should never, EVER have to hear you make."

It always fascinates me how mesmorized we all are by simple things; a bunch of falling water that does nothing but...well...fall. And big sparkly things that explode in the sky and make big noises...it doesn't take a lot for us to stare slack jawed at the spectacle. I'm amused by even simpler things...for example, the discovery that blueberries float at different heights. I know this doesn't sound very exciting, but put some in a clear glad plastic bag and fill it with water and I bet you'll think it looks cool too!

After the fireworks we checked out the new casino which I didn't even know existed. ie, I had always thought the old casino was the new one. How I could make this mistake, I'm really not sure...I guess the old one didn't seem that old to me. The new one was pretty nice...the slot machine ate three of my quarters. Something like that could only happen to me...it didn't even let me spin. It hated me, and the feeling was mutual. Some of you may wonder what I'm doing to Larissa in the photo to your left...I am pulling her shirt out in a vain effort to hide the contrast between our bodies just for a bit. Remember, camera adds ten pounds...or forty...and in Larissa's case takes pounds away...we're REALLY the same size. *cough* After grabbing a free water and pop (did you know they give out free water and pop?? Although I guess in actuality I paid 75 cents for it...blast you slot machine...) we decided to observe the blackjack tables. One guy was betting hundreds on each round and going up and down thousands of dollars. I'm not fast enough at math to play...I would probably sit there looking at my cards and say"ok...face card...10...plus 7...that's...*counts on fingers* give me a second... ok... seventeen... hit me... 4...*more counting on fingers* 21! Perfect. Hit me....no wait...CRAP..."

Soon Larissa's hungry kicked in and after much deliberation, we decided on...*drumroll*... Denny's. Mainly because it had pictures of the food on the menus which helps Larissa make up her mind instead of being faced with "everything looks so good!" Which still kinda happens but once she finds something she wants we take the menu away from her so she can't change her mind. We also decided that going to Denny's was like going to America. I said it should be like an American Embassy...American territory on Canadian ground, complete with grease stains on the lightshades. However, it was in the bathroom that the strangest occurence of the night took place:

*Lorraine walks into washroom and immediately is met by a female worker of about 16 or 17 years old who starts talking to her*

"Oh my GOD, I hate my hair, it's totally not working. I just hate it, I wish I had hair like yours and not this kind of hair...this is going to be the longest night EVER..."

"Oh yeah...that sucks...I think your hair looks fine."

"Really? Oh my GOD, I have to work till 7 in the morning and I hate my manager."

"Wow...long night."

"I guess I better check the bathrooms..." *she goes to last stall and takes a two second glance in: "That one's fine..." *slams door* "This one's fine..." *slams door* "This one too..." *slams door*

"That was easy."

*Lorraine starts powdering her nose*

"Oh, do you have an acne problem too?"

"Uhhhhh......"

"I hate it so much, I have it like all over my chest and my back and stuff..."

"Ohhhh...."

"So where are you from?"

"Near Hamilton."

"Oh yeah, I'm from Port Colbourne."

"Cool."

*she momentarily leaves to take out the garbage...another women approaches the sink and has nowhere to set down her purse to wash her hands so I volunteer to hold it for her*

"Thanks. Are you from here?"

"About an hour away...where are you from?"

"Oh I'm from Michigan."

"Oh that's nice...are you enjoying your visit?"

"Yeah it's nice here."

"That girl who was in here is sooooooo weird..."

"You don't know her?"

"No, she just started babbling to me as soon as I walked in!"

"Oh, I thought y'all was friends."

*girl re-enters and cuts me off in the middle of my conversation with this other women and starts babbling again...I finish up, say goodbye to the nice Michigan lady and run out.*

I cannot begin to relay just how much and obliviously this girl babbled...I can't even remember half the stuff she said because after awhile I just tuned her out...I honestly wish I could have videotaped the encounter, I was wondering if I was on candid camera or not. Thank goodness I have a blog where I can write about such strange encounters. *hugs blog* Uhhh, sorry I'm going to need a minute alone with my blog...please come back later...

Always a bridesmaid, never a...hey wait...I wasn't even a bridesmaid!!

But that's ok...I was the allocated pianist. That word makes me nervous...let's say allocated performer instead.

For those of you who don't know, which probably isn't anybody reading this since I think I've told everybody, their mother and their cat, my brother got married this past May 19. (I must apologize for the tardiness of this post...it's been a work in progress ever since as you will discover it is very, very long...) He got married to the lovely Larissa, and honestly I couldn't be happier with anybody he picked to marry. She just makes me want to hug her every time I see her. Or head butt her shoulder Homer-Simpson fashion...I'm not quite sure why. "*Stampy starts butting another elephant* You see Bart, just like humans, some animals are just jerks. *Homer starts head butting animal guy* Mr. Simpson, stop it. Stop it, Mr. Simpson. Please, Mr. Simpson...stop."

They decided to do a different timeline for their wedding day which actually turned out to be quite ingenius. This was the order:

• wedding pictures
• family dinner
• ceremony
• cocktail reception
• some speeches
• getting funky (dance)
• cake
• more dancing
• more cake
• dancing WITH cake
• me taking a picture of someone's butt when they weren't suspecting it

Yes, this was the official iternary.

It was smart to do this because without a big dinner that nobody really needs, they were free to invite more guests and didn't have to think "but if we invite them that's another $60!!" etc...thus they were free to invite anybody they wanted so we could settle into one big fun happy party.

The day started out a bit rainy and a bit chilly, so naturally we were all concerned about the outdoor wedding pictures. But Larissa prayed and got her miracle; the sun poked it's head out and the pictures turned out beautifully.

Larissa turns her face to the sun and enjoys her miracle

The Wedding Party

Alex and Levi, neice and nephew of the bride made the cutest flower girl and ring bearer!

Brother, sister, and a new sister-in-law. GUESS WHICH ONE I AM!!

Next on the agenda was the dinner. It was the first meal I'd ever had with alcohol in it. As you can tell, the dinner was very exciting:

Levi tuckered out on his father's lap

With all the celebrations one could easily forget: they haven't been married yet! So off we went to the ceremony. I kept a close eye on Larissa to ensure she didn't have any cold feet episodes...after awhile she got very sick of me constantly trying to keep her feet warm and handcuffing her to myself with a child leash. Now if that isn't love for your brother, I don't know what is! You're welcome man.

My nerves were starting to kick in before the ceremony and all the typical mental flash pictures of me starting to sing and croaking or walking up to the piano and falling flat on my face started to carasel through my mind. My nerves were soon eased by another distraction; Larissa's nephew completely stole the show. Once the little guy made it on stage, he completely forgot where he was supposed to go and just stood there. Once his mother got up there she took his hand and stood with him, and it was at this point that he thought it to be humorous to start stomping on the stage. It made a resounding echo you see, which added an interesting backdrop to their vows to each other lol. No amount of mother and aunt standing on his feet could make him stop, nor could my mutterings of "I'm going to kill that kid, I'm going to kill that kid...BUT HE'S JUST TOO DARN CUTE!" Hey, if Larissa didn't mind (as I'm sure she didn't because she was laughing at it too and loves him very much) why should I?

I fell in love with the music they played for the processional. It was taken from The Chronicles Of Narnia soundtrack and is a really gorgeous song. The rest of the wedding flowed relatively smoothly aside from Levi's antics. I teared up during the vows and could only think about how perfect this match was. My performance went off ok...my voice cracked on the first note but I think I recovered ok lol. No horrible flaws...we're all our own worst critics so I won't say anything more.

Me tickling the ivories and singing...Darren and Larissa picked a cute but not mushy song by K's Choice called Favorite Adventure for me to perform during the signing of the registry.
I feel like my mom by wanting to yell "STOP SLOUCHING! SIT UP WOMAN!"

After the ceremony came the reception, which was held in a lovely room at the Hamilton Art Gallery. Before the fun began, we had to get all the boring stuff out of the way; speeches ensued, there was a wonderful disorganized scurrying to get the guestbook signed, and a small goat was sacrificed. You know, the usual Christian customs. Speeches were actually well done; short and to the point, as it should be. Larissa's cousin even did a FABULOUS take off of the priest in The Princess Bride: "Marewiage. Marewiage is wha bwings us...togethaw...toooday." Also, Alex and Levi sung the snuggle puppy song. For the video of that, click here. And you can't have a wedding without wedding games, so we had the shoe game; various questions get read off (for example, who is more likely to leave their towel on the bathroom floor?) and while facing back to back the couple answers by putting either their own or their partners shoe in the air. Most of them were the same, but one or two were disagreed on.

Performing with some help from mom
"Oooo ooooo...snuggle puppy of mine...the way I feel about you is especially fine..."

Darren is more likely to leave his towel on the bathroom floor.

After all that, it was time to get funky! And eat cake...but mostly get funky.

A hideous picture that I debated if I should even post of me getting funka ala Elaine Dance

My best buddy Diana was my date. (Not gay...) Also needed a better pic after the hideous one.

Brother throwing the garter to the anxious crowd of single guys...who, after this picture was taken, stood and stared at it on the ground. Evidentally, unlike the single girls, men don't want to be the next to get married.

Larissa's sister made this cake and with the help of West Jet flew it in from Edmonton. Don't ask me how. It had "I love you" written in all different languages on it and was soooo delicious. (That's saying a lot for me since I don't normally like chocolate cake)

This cat started to peek in during speeches (the room we were in was all glass windows). When I showed Larissa this picture later she exclaimed "LOOK DARREN, IT'S OUR WEDDING CAT!" Only Darren and Larissa could have an official wedding cat...

Possibly my favourite of all the wedding pictures...Larissa was (jokingly) outraged at what someone said and I JUST happened to catch her expression (complete with unchewed cake in her mouth) as it happened. Hey, there's enough pretty pictures of her on here to compensate, haha.

Mmmm...food...oh cute dancing couple too. Mmm...food...

Larissa's thoughts: "I'm soooo glad Darren shaved today..."

After the ceremony there was a franctic episode involving a certrain bride's missing purse with certain very important tickets and passports that were needed for a certain honeymoon being taken in about five hours. After cancelling all credit cards and driving to St. Catharines to get personal ID so they could hopefully still take their trip, the purse was found, hours before the flight, and all ended up well.

Hopefully in the not too distant future I will be posting about mini-Darren and mini-Larissas.

In conclusion to this insanely long post...it was a good day. We love Larissa and have fully welcomed her into our family. She keeps Darren in check so we don't have to. I wish them lots of happiness.

And they lived happily ever after...except for Larissa who was forced to watch episode after episode of Babylon 5.

(For more wedding pictures, check out Darren's flickr photos and Larrisa's blog I might post more later cause there were some good ones I didn't get to upload yet)

Suggestion Box: Last Day At Work

My childish sense of mischief has been working overtime to conjure up ideas for pranks and funny things to do as my last working day approaches (Friday July 28, 2006)

I've taken a page from Jim in The Office and had a few suggestions/ideas already:

• Take an object from someone's desk and put it in a jello mold...then leave it for them to find
• Replacing someone's pens and pencils with crayons
• Have a garage sale for left over office supplies I won't need at my desk
• Buy my old telephone off the company so that I can ceremoniously take a sledge hammer to it in a deserted field...then melt it in a bon fire. "Try and ring NOW...b#%ch..."
• Chasing a solicitor out with a baseball bat
• Squirting a solicitor with a water gun (I just thought of that...oh MAN I would die laughing...)
• Make out with someone on my desk (whoops...that was supposed to go under "secret fantasies"...wrong list...)
• Moon the security camera
• Print off a page that says "I have felt for a long time that my needs as a printer have been neglected. People just come and go in and out of my life all the time and use me for my ink supply. I have feelings too! And I hope the rumours about replacing me haven't been true...I always try to do my best and I'm sorry about the paper jams. Some days I'm just not feeling up to par. Please try to understand and be a little more sensitive in future. Love, Herbert (your printer...yes, I do have a name. Didn't bother to find out did ya?" and just wait for someone to pick it up at the printer
• Convince people that I'm leaving to star in a movie and they should get my autograph while they can
• Try to mail my most annoying coworker to Japan
• Put a sign on my boss's back
• Put up a "donations to the Lorraine fund" box
• Build a monument to myself in reception.
• Plant a fake huge rubber spider in a common area of the office
• Page for Donald Duck or some other humorous cartoon character
• Switch the male and female symbols on the bathrooms
• Put a fake porn icon on my desktop, take a print screen of the desk top, set it as the background, delete the porn icon, but it will still appear as a picture...this should make the person who tries to delete it go nuts because they won't be able to

Clearly this list is not nearly long enough, so please leave me comments with more suggestions!

Thanks.

Love, Herbert.

Busted

"This is your brain when you're speeding: 'hehehehehehe I'm speeding....' This is your brain when you get caught: 'crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap!'" - radio commercial that speaks the truth.

So it finally happened. All this dreading of "my luck is going to run out one day" can now be let go of...my luck ran out yesterday. Personally, I blame you for this. (It's fun to blame things on people that are in no way responsible...you should try it sometime!)

Flying up highway six north yesterday I thought I was invincible...nice straight road...few cars on the road...nice clear day...excellent conditions for being able to see a cop well in advance right?? Wrong...

The bugger snuck up on me from the other side of the road...and caught me going what I admit is an appalling speed...guess what it was...(the speed limit was 80.) 100? Nope...120? Nope...130? Nope...well...sorta....134...*whimpers* Not even my fake FBI ID could save me...and believe me I tried! Agent Nerd has no jurisdiction in Guelph...

I thought he might reduce it...I was lucky the last time I was pulled over...but no...he showed no mercy. Not even when I started bawling my eyes out. Not even when I pretended to think the limit was 100 making it not soooo bad. His words of comfort to me?

"You know, I very well might have saved your life."

Oooooo......yes....thank you for that officer. Can I get your address so that I may personally send you a thank you note and a lovely fruit basket?? Because cleary by pulling me over on a completely clear day on an almost completely open and straight road, you have saved my life. That's a GREAT spin to put on the situation. Thanks so much for giving me the opportunity to appear in COURT in GUELPH which is an HOUR away from my house in August so that I may have my license SUSPENDED for a month. Clearly I am indebted to you...also, if I had balls, now would be the time I would invite you to lick them.

I am a good friggin' driver. I have never been in an accident. I have avoided many accidents from people who have almost driven into ME. My driving record is nearly spotless except for a speeding ticket I got about four years ago. I know I was driving fast...but I wasn't driving recklessly...I'm alert and pay extra attention to the road when I have to drive faster. And the limit really SHOULD be 100 there...and even with all the excuses I'm making, I still don't think I deserve this.

My first favourite part was when he seriously asked me if I was in the FBI because of the fake ID I carry around for fun in my wallet. He actually inspected it. My second favourite part was when he was helplessly trying to say things to make me feel better (or just saying things cause he didn't know what to say) as I sat crying, and he slowly walked away..."Do you know where the courthouse is? (I ALREADY TOLD YOU I'VE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE YOU TWAT) It's downtown, you can't miss it. (THANKS FOR THE TIP, I'LL REMEMBER THAT IN A MONTH) They'll PROBABLY reduce it...(IF THAT'S THE CASE YOU COULD JUST REDUCE IT NOW AND SAVE US BOTH THE TIME, MONEY AND AGGRAVATION!!) are you going to show up on that day? (WHAT DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO SAY RIGHT NOW, 'NO'? I'LL BE TOO BUSY JOY RIDING A BAG OF COCAINE OVER THE BORDER??)" I should have said "yes, I'll drive there as fast as I can." Bahaha........ah.

Oh...uhhh...if anyone talks to my parents....yeah don't mention this quite yet....haven't quite found the way to break it to them....I have a feeling "I got busted for doing 134 in an 80" won't go over too well...maybe I can tell them something worse first so it won't seem so bad:

"Mom...dad...I'm pregnant and am eloping with the father. I also got a ticket for doing 134 in an 80. Oh, and just kidding about the whole pregnant eloping thing..."

Superman is my kryptonite

The title really doesn't have much to do with this post, but I like the cut of it's jib.

Just saw the superman flick, and I have these insightful comments to make:

When the ham sandwich did previews and coming attractions start to take up so much time?? 15 minutes my friends...15 freaking minutes!! That's like an eighth of the movie! Someone actually yelled out "finally!!" when the "feature presentation" graphic finally reared it's head, met by much agreement around the theatre. Does anybody remember the days when they never played commercials before a movie? I do...back in my day...when I had to walk 5 miles to school...in the snow...uphill....BOTH ways...

When they were on the alien rock thingy, what did they plug their computers into? HMM??

"Bowman is dead...he got hit by a piano..." I think Sandra and I were the only ones laughing hysterically at this line. Hit by a piano...hit by a piano!! Who gets hit by a piano if you're not a looney toons character?? I was looking around the theatre to try and see if others found it amusing, but no...apparently the thought of death by piano wasn't humorous to them. Thus I'm pretty sure I was "that girl who laughs when nobody else does in the movie."

Sandra and I had lots of witty banter. For example, when Perry is directing how each department of the newspaper has to cover superman: "Business: how he will affect the stock market. Sports: how are they going to get that plane out of the stadium. Human interest: where has he been and is he seeing anybody. Lifestyle..." Me: "...is superman gay? He DOES where those revealing spandex tights..."

Sandra: "I just don't get how they couldn't know it's him...he's just wearing glasses....it's just glasses people!!!"

Sandra: "He's such a show off flying all around like that." Me: "Yeah, I'd do it too if I could...except I'd fly funny banners from my ankles...."

Also, that poor guy Lois is engaged to...same actor from The Notebook! That poor boy is destined to fall in love with girls that love other men...and he's such a hot nice boy too!! What's the deal?? If that were real life he'd have turned all bitter and women-hater by now. And possibly gay.

Overall, the movie was ok, but the ending dragged out too long...perhaps I'm just mad cause we originally went to go see Pirates Of The Carribean 2. Sold out...a likely story.

It's 2:34 am and I'm off to bed to dream about being a superhero whose cape keeps getting stuck in the phone booth.

Working my magic with cards

Apparently there's like...this game. It's about like...magic. And like...cards.

It seems to be quite widespread, but I don't really get it. My friend Whibley described it as "like chess but with cards". From what I understand, you collect cards and fight other people's cards with them. I asked him if they physically bash the cards together...apparently they don't...although I think it would be much more entertaining.

So a typical card looks something like this:

Whibley was distracted making cards for his friends for fun while chatting to me, so I volunteered to make them for him. After many hours spent toiling, searching for the perfect colours and advanced computer graphics, I had perfected my creation:

Whibley was so grateful for my masterpiece that he decided to make me my very own magic card. I am now famous and being played in the hands of geeks everywhere. (I use the term affectionately...geeks are hot.)

My favourite part is the quote, taken directly from our conversation last night. I think it went something like this:

Me: "My friends and I used to massacre pictures of each other with paint. It was the most fun I've ever had....with paint..."

Whibley: "I like that you added in 'with paint'"

Me: "Yeah, didn't want to seem like a TOTAL loser."

Apparently this card is pretty powerful...watch out magic players...my tall glass of booze and I are comin' after ya!

How To Fully Exercise Your Boredom

"You're bored because you are boring." - Mr. Cramer, philosophy/English teacher extraordinaire

I don't consider myself to be boring. But when I don't have anything that I need to do, for the life of me, I can't find something to adequately entertain myself. A perfect example of this was yesterday, my extended long weekend. I was house/dog sitting for Diana's parents and sat for a good chunk of time on the couch staring out the window thinking "what should I do now." Usually what I end up doing is waiting the time out, and the routine goes something like this:

1) After doing necessary morning things (showering, eating, brushing teeth etc.) sit down on the couch and debate how to spend the seemingly endless amount of time laid out in front of you. Several rewarding and productive possibilities enter your mind: look into schools. Calculate your income tax. (Yes, I know it's July...I...erm...shutup) Clean up the house. Get some exercise. Solve world hunger. But somehow none of these seem as appealing (or as effortless) as reaching for the remote and clicking on the tv.

2) Click through every channel on the tv twice just in case you missed something interesting the first time around, even though there is never anything good on on a Saturday/Sunday morning.

3) Either reserve yourself to watching something you don't really want to watch just because it's there or turn the tv off and aimlessly wander around the house.

4) Wander to computer...sign into msn, check for interesting people to talk to, check email, check blogs, stare blankly at screen trying to think of other sites to go to that will amuse and waste time. Possibly write a post on your blog about boredom.

5) Continue wandering through house...maybe get a snack. You know, since it's been a whole hour since you had breakfast...you want to make sure you have enough energry to continue doing nothing.

6) Go back to computer...somebody might have messaged you on msn while you were away getting food...nobody has. Continue to stare blankly at screen in the hopes that someone will message you in the next three seconds.

7) Sit and think of where you could go. Can't think of anywhere you would want to go.

8) Call various friends to see if they have ideas. If you're lucky, get ahold of a friend that's bored too and enjoy your boredom together with some good ol' conversation about how bored you are.

9) Take a nap...all this boredom has worn you out.

10) Wake up at 8:30 and get some supper.

11) Watch some tv (by now the better shows have come on)

12) Fall asleep on the couch and head upstairs to bed around 2:00 am.

13) Go to work the next day and complain about how you have so much to do and you'd rather be at home doing nothing.

Egad...that's so depressing. Sometimes I actually do do productive things...but I don't know what keeps me from doing them so much of the time. Where do you conjure up motivation from when you have none? Maybe from reading this post over and realizing just how sad it is...lol.

"Procrastinate later, live now!"

(Disclaimer: NOT A LOSER...HAS SOCIAL LIFE AND GOES OUT...IS ONLY OCCASIONALLY THIS BORED...REALLY...I SWEAR...LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENS TO YOU! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the fridge...not fat!)