27 Years of Wisdom (and Stamp) Collecting

When I was a kid, I used to daydream about 'future me' and what she would be like. Then I would wish that she could travel back in time and tell me everything she learned so that I wouldn't have to go through the trouble of experiencing it. Sort of like Biff in Back to the Future, except I wouldn't be a bitter old man who only wanted his past self to be rich. That's still something current me hopes that future me figures out and comes back to the present to share.

"It's *leave*, you idiot! "Make like a tree, and leave." You sound like a damn fool when you say it wrong." 

So here we are, on the eve of my birthday, while I am awaiting to turn 25 for the third time, and I'm actually proud to say that in many ways, I have become that woman I wanted to be. True, I may not be a famous musician, or actress, or writer, and until recently was best known for my wildly out of control ketchup addiction, but more importantly, I've learned some character building life lessons. I've also attained some more realistic goals, like my goal of learning how to set goals. Understandably, given this vast amount of wisdom and knowledge I have accumulated in my humble 27 years, there is much of it that I would like to go back and share with my past self, such as:

• If you leave milk out on the counter, it will go bad. I can't stress this enough. Put it in the refrigerator, or, failing that, a cool, damp sac
• Oil changes are the single most important thing you can do to extend your car's life. You've heard dad say this many times, but shake me upside down and call me Susan, he was right
• You know all that money you made at your summer jobs that you are going to blow on frivolous things? Yeah, take all of that, put it into this account called a "mutual fund", and don't touch it until early 2007.
• Stop plucking your eyebrows. I know you think you know what you are doing, but you don't. Just stop and go to a professional
• When you are travelling, you should always always pack extra socks and underwear. Just...trust me on this
• You are allergic to cats. Know this now before you move out and get a cat. But get her anyway because she is adorable and worth the dried out eyelids and hives
• "Definitely" is not spelt "definately". It took you far too long to learn this

Then to freak her out a bit, I'd tell her about Justin Bieber and the invention of crocs. 

In all seriousness, I would tell her that the real world isn't as big and scary of a place as she thought it would be, and that it's actually quite an adventure. I'd tell her that happiness is an amalgamation of the attitude you choose to have every day about the world and about yourself, the types of people you choose to associate with, and the amount of effort and action you are going to take and put behind the things in life that are truly valuable. I would tell her that sometimes the best way to get over yourself and what you're dealing with is to shift the focus off of you and onto helping someone else. 

Then I would subtly hand her the 2015 sports almanac and be on my way.