At Least They Had Ketchup

"Whoa...I could go to jail for what I'm thinking right now." he responded to the polite "hello" I murmured in passing . My expression immediately changed from friendly to a scowl. How did he think I would react to that? "Thank you for making a lewd comment about me, I'm very flattered. I just can't resist your flashy green and red sequin vest, white hair and leather skin. Take me now." I attempted to formulate a witty sarcastic response but anger prevented me from thinking clearly. I quickened my stride and continued on to the bathroom, where much like George Costanza I continued brainstorming clever responses. "Thank you for refreshing my definition of 'dirty old man'." "I could go to jail too after I drown you in the runny scalloped potatoes." "I'm sure you'd make lots of lovely friends there that you can hit on."

I encountered him at a dinner/theater show I went to tonight. He was, I suppose, the entertainer for the dinner portion of the night. He did so by singing I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas (twice because he forgot the second song he was supposed to sing) and making fun of the diners unfortunate enough to be seated near him. He made his attempt at a few jokes too that were all mildly funny and mildly dirty. Thankfully that was the last I saw of him and was free to enjoy the rest of the night with my ex coworkers.

Yes, it was the staff Christmas party, and no, I don't work there anymore, but lucky for me they still like me and wanted me to attend. I had an early Christmas present for my old supervisor; all the work keys I forgot to return for the past five months. She had no idea I still had them. In return she informed me that the two main people I wanted to see couldn't attend. There will be much growling at them via msn.

It's always awkward running into any form of ex, be it an ex girlfriend/boyfriend or ex boss/coworkers. In either situation, you want to look your absolute best and have exciting stories of what has been going on in your life away from them. Such stories never seem to pop into my head, and I just end up nodding a lot and saying "yup, life is good, nope, nothing new with me...you know...yeah. So..." I've never been great with the small talk, but I'm getting better! I don't have to say "LOOK AT THAT!" and point and run away as often as I used to.

Another interesting part of the night was the woman sitting directly across from me. She was wearing a V neck type of dress suit that showed her entire bra when she sat down. I can't really describe it. I COULD describe the bra in full detail since I pretty much saw the whole thing. She was two inches away from having her breasts resting comfortably on her dinner plate, and I can only imagine what sort of strange side dish she would have thought she received when she dug in.

The play was cute, a British comedy about a married couple that both decide to go away and meet the people they are having affairs with, but end up at the same hotel. Then their adulterers end up being married to each other. The play revolves around them avoiding each other and lying so the others don't find out they are having an affair while the hotel owner desperately tries to mediate while being constantly bribed to partake in the charade. It was very well done, and the actors were friendly and chatted/drank with us after the show. "If you'll excuse me for a moment, I'm going to get ridiculously drunk now."

My favourite part of the whole night (aside from being specially served a dish of ketchup at dinner) was getting gas on the way home. That's not to say the night was boring, far from it. But the funniest part was definitely at the gas station. I was driving my mom's car with my mother in the passenger side, and when she saw gas for 76.6 cents she wanted to stop to fill up. In the twenty seconds it took us to turn left at the lights, do a U turn to get around the median and pull into the gas station, the price had changed to 90.3 cents. What absurd timing! My mom cursed in her Christian manner (ie "Oh FIDDLESTICKS" and "DAG NAV IT!") as I tried to contain my laughter. I'm tellin' ya, it's Murphy's Law!! DAMN that Murphy!

After that I came home and tried to capture one of the few times I get dressed up and look half decent, hence my picture I posted with this. I call it "Trying to be mysterious but really being a dork."

I think that pretty much summarizes my night. It had an old man wearing a sequined vest, a funny play, Christian swearing, crazy gas prices and full sight of a woman's bra. Ask for anything more and you're just being selfish.

*originally written the night of Friday December 15, 2006*