Friday Night Frivolity

Cambridge is only good for three things, as far as I can tell: A) My best friend Diana lives there B) Dooley's C) It is home to one of the few remaining roller rinks that seem to be quickly disappearing. (RIP Roller Gardens...we miss you.)

The plan tonight was to participate in all great three things Cambridge has to offer. Unfortunately we were only able to participate in two. Dooley's, I know your feelings are hurt, but we WILL visit next time. Yes...there will be a next time.

We met Diana at a pub (we = Laura and her new boy, Dave and Paul and myself of course) where it didn't take me long to tell Diana's fellow midwife how Laura used to mix up 'labia' and 'tibia'. Someone would kick her in the shin and she'd go "OWWWW, MY LABIA...." Laura corrected me and said it was actually the other way around...someone would kick her in the crotch and she'd say "OWWWW MY TIBIA...." I think it's equally funny either way.

Actually, Laura had a few good quotes from tonight. Must have been trying to impress her new guy:

"C'MON GUYS, we're only going to have TWO HOURS left to skate!"
"I like green tea. It has antibodies." -Laura
"...you mean antioxidants?" -Me
"...........yes. Those." -Laura

Roller skating is a scary business for me...there are always those annoying people that try to squeeze in through some tiny space between you and the person next to you and give you a heart attack. There are also these crazy old people there that are remarkable skaters. One almost killed me when I was moving to the side to see Dave and Paul. While singing The Spice Girls. Yeah, it was retro night...which pretty much translates into guilty pleasure music. Rock on.

My favourite part of the night was when we were driving home. Dave and I somehow decided to start answering every question with true or false. Then it expanded to countries. Personally, I just want to answer "penguins" to every question someone poses to me. Examples:

"How are you feeling today?" "False."
"What are you having for dinner tonight?" "Algeria."
"Where did you get your sweater?" "Penguins."

Just a heads up: these answers will be used. And whether you think they are funny or not, I will be laughing at them.

Personal Office Statistics

I'm 95% sure that the cup I am drinking my tea out of was mistakenly placed back in the cupboard as clean when it was, in fact, dirty.

I'm also 84% sure that I will ignore this fact, push any thoughts of germs out of my mind, and will drink the rest of it anyway rather than forward the phones, trudge back upstairs, go to the opposite side of the building where the kitchen is and pour myself a new cup.

I'm 68% sure that these statistics will gross at least one of you out.

I'm 52.73% sure that I don't really care if this grosses you out.

I'm 100% sure that I will blog about this.

Next Time I'm Going To Wear Goggles

Saturday night I headed over to Diana's for Dave's birthday dinner before we went to see Sandra's play and then drinks at Hess. I had just taken my coat off when Diana's mom - a very sweet woman who often greets me with a hug - came up to me with her hand out. Not knowing what to do I turned my head to avoid a collision, providing the perfect angle for her thumbnail to gauge my right eyeball.

"OWWWWW...."

"I'm so sorry, I was trying to grab you for a hug!"

"Oh it's ok, it's not like I use that eye anyway."

"What a nice first greeting eh? Oh no, I was working with food too..."

"Yeah, did make sure to rub some garlic under your fingernails first?"

"Yes, some red pepper too."

"Well, it's good to see you anyway. With my ONE EYE."

Expanding The Family Empire

It's March 2, and I can finally tell the world a secret that I have been holding in for WAY too long.

Now don't get your panties in a twist, the baby the cartoon stork is holding is NOT mine. I'm still keeping THAT baby a secret. Ok kidding. Seriously, kidding.

However, I am about five months away from becoming an aunt for the first time! Ok so most of you will already know that. But did you know that I will be an aunt to...*drumroll*...a baby girl! OR, as my brother says, a very unfortunate boy. Her name will be Abigail (not sure how they are going to spell it) or Abby for short, and she will, I have no doubt, be completely spectacular.

I should clarify that Abby doesn't belong to Darren and Larissa who I often blog about, but my other brother and his wife who, due to the nature of their jobs, cannot be named. No they don't work for the CIA you silly monkey. That's completely absurd. What a typical "I can't name my job" guess of employment. Can't you be a little more creative in your blog posts?? I mean, employment guessing?

I can't convey how excited I am to be an aunt, I have been bugging them about it the entire 9 years they have been married. On the day I found out (way back in November) I was by myself at a gas station in Waterloo, just about to fill my tire up with air when my cell phone rang. "Lorraine, you are the fourth person to know that our test was positive." And then I couldn't stop crying because I was so happy and excited. I think it was my first experience with tears of joy. But I couldn't help thinking how everyone at the gas station would see me crying and think "that girl is completely overreacting to a flat tire."

So, world, prepare yourself for Abby. I will probably spoil her and be incredibly overprotective of her, but hey, what are aunts for? I leave you with my favourite baby quote:

"I thought we weren't going to emotionally scar him until he was older?" -Dr. Cox
"I MAY have painted his toes for funnsies..." - Jordan

-Scrubs