Sharing With Family

Sometimes my brother Darren and his wife Larissa will stay at our house when they are visiting in town. If I'm not home, they'll stay in my room. Such was the case the weekend I got home from Victoria. They picked me up from the airport and we all went home where my dad was throwing a birthday party for my mom and had invited lots of friends and family. (I stopped to pick up flowers for her, but they had no birthday cards to go with the flowers, so I got her a "with deepest sympathy" card instead.) After mingling for awhile, Darren, Larissa and I eventually ended up watching DVDs in my room, as is usually the case when avoiding excess people downstairs. As I started to unpack, Larissa said to me

"Oh by the way, I borrowed your deodorant while you were
gone."

"Oh. That's ok. You know, a lot of people have issues with
that but it doesn't bother me. I'm pretty sure you don't have rampant body odor or anything."

"Yeah, I didn't think you would care. If I thought you
would, I just wouldn't have told you."

Gotta love family honesty.

Random Excerpts From My Diary During My Trip To Victoria

• Holy crap, this pen is very glidey-like. Weeeeee...
• I'm going to try to write really neat. Actually that was me trying right there. And it's just as messy as my fast normal writing! Ridiculous.
• I watched The Office and Scrubs and The Simpsons on the plane. Satellite TV: God's gift to planes. And us.
• A moment from The Office: How to take off a bra according to Michael Scott: Twist until something breaks
• I keep meaning to write this and I kept forgetting: Ahem. 'Remarkably, there was an incredible lack of snakes on my plane.' I'm glad I finally got that out.
• Steve dragged himself out of bed for me so we could go swimming, even though he was tired and forgot his bathing suit. We had to invest in a disposable one. Who ever heard of disposable bathing suits!? He was very reluctant to get into the blue plasticy contraption, but he did. It wasn't long before the outer layer of the ass split, revealing some nice hidden white plastic. Thankfully we were the only people at the pool.
• Yup...I fly all the way here and now a predicted massive earthquake is going to ruin my vacation. If I was going to die out here, I thought it would at least be in a firey plane crash, or in the trunk of a car with my limbs bound in duct tape. Not by earthquake! I think it would be the understatement of the year to say that would really really REALLY suck.
• No earthquake yet. Except the tremors that vibrate through the ground when I walk because of the weight gain due to eating bacon and eggs every day.
• He put me on the radio. I was very excited. Then I got tired. The end.
• Favourite things we yelled out/commented during WWE Smackdown:
• Give him the chair!
• Have you tried talking this out?
• I like your pants
• Go back to Maine!
• I admire your passion!
• They should throw some alligators in the ring. Hungry ones. That have been poked with a stick all day.
• It almost looked like he made contact there.
• I wonder if Hallmark has a line of WWE cards? "I'm sorry I knocked you unconscious with the chair."
• Allen wanted me to bring a sign that said "kill the ref"
• "Honey, if you keep listening to this song, I'm going to start having an erection...around men." -Steve while I was listening to a Lifehouse song
• Watched the sunrise from my first flight in a semi-conscious state. Just before it broke over the horizon it illuminated a golden lining on top of the clouds. It was gorgeous. Then I closed the horrible bright morning light out and tried to sleep.
• I can't believe they made me check my make up bag. What, 'cause I might stab someone with my eyeliner?!?
• Is it weird that I like turbulence? It shakes things up...HA...*cough*
• "Can I ask you something?" "As long as it requires no thought whatsoever." "It's very serious...would you...eat...a blue canteloupe?" "Does it taste like normal cantaloupe or blue canteloupe?" "Blue. And you're starving." "Yes...yes I would."
• The remainder of this entry will be random thoughts. (Moreso.)
• "Andrea and Alan fed me." "Oh yeah? What did you have?" "A huge waffle...AND..." "...chicken?" "What? How did you know?? 'Waffle' is not usually paired with 'chicken'." "It's my mind reading abilities. And I talked to them earlier."
• I kinda want to spit out the window from way up here. (Altitude 37, 338 feet)
• We just flew over Lake Superior. Watery.
• "How long does 18 km take?" "Well, if you go 100 km/h, 18 minutes. No wait, that's not right. Let me get my calculator. 100/18=5.5 Ok. It's not five minutes." *a few minutes pass* "So what was the highlight of your trip?" "60!!" "What?" "60/18. Equals 3.3 Ok. I really have no idea."
• Solution for having to pee? Drink more water. IDIOT.
• Geez, what is this, Star Wars? Are we dodging enemy fire?? (turbulence on plane)
• This concludes Lorraine's trip to Victoria. This time. To be continued...(?) (The question mark leaves it wide open for a sequel!)
• "Goodbye Save on Foods Arena...goodbye Frank's Hardware...goodbye street I don't know the name of that we never drove or walked down..." -Me "This is going to be a long drive to the airport, isn't it?" -Steve
  

Family Dinner Conversation

Me: "So the doctor called me on my cell at like eight o'clock one morning, which I thought was weird because I don't remember giving them my cell phone number. Anyways, turns out my pap test came back and I have some abnormal cell growth."

Dad: "How did they get your cell?"

Me: "...uh...they took a swab...?"

*laughter around the table*

Me: "What?"

Dad: "Your CELL PHONE."

Me: "OH I thought you asked how they got the CELLS...I was like...'uh...manually?'"

Darren (talking as if he were me): " 'You wouldn't believe where I keep my cell phone' "

Chris (also talking as if he were me): " 'Yeah, my number is REALLY unlisted.' "

Our Top Story: 'Easy' Buttons Not So Easy

For Christmas, along with many other goofy presents, Sue bought me one of those "easy" buttons from Staples Business Depot. I found it yesterday and decided to take it out of the little gift box and find a place for it.

Ironically, those easy buttons are remarkably hard to remove from their box. When I finally managed to pull the damn thing out, I pulled it with such force that it shot out of my hand and landed on the floor, where it promptly told me "THAT was easy."

Mocked by an easy button...a new low.