closet. Those who know me well know that once I start cleaning, I can't stop; so on I went to discover hoods belonging to jackets we have already gotten rid of, hot gloves with fur around them, and a box of water bottles including a Flinstones one from Canada's Wonderland. Soon I was onto the mystery boxes on the top shelf. What did I find in the box my mother labeled in permanent marker "Female Summer Hats: HOT! HOT! HOT!"? Not just female hats...but a multitude of male and female summer hats, some so old that if there were a museum for summer hats they would be surrounded by glass and signs that say "please do not use flash photography". How many hats did I discover total? 52. Do we wear any of these? No...no we don't. Why do we have so many hats? I HAVE NO IDEA. Top Ten Hats
In order from best to worst (worst to best?)
10) A bright fuscia hat with "Lorraine" written on in fabric paint. Unfortunately I don't have a picture of this since I threw it out the second I saw it.
9) Purple and pink plastic visors WITH foam glued on for extra comfort
8) Ancient (and I do mean ancient) Walt Disney World hat, modeled by our very own hallway statue, Caesar. (He is also wearing Darren's old tie from when he worked at Carmen's when he was 12)
7) Speaking of Darren's professions, here we have two lovely hats from Darren's former places of employment; Kentucky Fried Chicken (from when he was a teenager) and Utility Reading A. Billing Ltd. (from a few years ago).
6) Not one...but TWO Doug Conley hats. I'm guessing this was from the political campaigning days.
5) Softball hats from every single year I played softball (consecutive years since I was about 8)
4) Esso "No Trouble" Hats. Three of them. Clearly we are very supportive of our gas stations.
3) My mom's old Revlon make up hat. *shudder*
2) My old pink shiny hat that Darren and Larissa were nice enough to model for me. When I was little (like, 7. Ok 10. 15. Move on) this hat had everything I ever wanted: ie it was pink and shiny. Before giving this away, I made sure to black out in permanent marker my name and phone number which was written on the inside. I don't want any phone calls from shoppers at Value Village asking me "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?"
1) Last but CERTAINLY not least: Rainbow coloured tie dye Caribbean Chicken. 'Nuff said.
At long last, us Conleys have finally come out of the closet. We have nothing to be ashamed of anymore. Some poor fashion-blind person at Value Village will inherit that shame instead. To them, all I can say is: I'm sorry.
3 comments:
I enjoyed a good chuckle at your...um, I mean...MY family's expense. "Spring cleaning" should come more often! Thanks, Lorraine!
By the way, what's this big gig on Thursday?
That Caribbean Chicken hat is actually mine. It was from when I worked at KFC, and they (very briefly) introduced a new line of chicken seasoning which was spicy. It didn't go over well. And neither did the hats.
Darren, YOU'RE the culprit? Wow...that hat almost blinds me with it's ugliness. I'm sorry you ever had to wear it.
The big gig is canceled: I was supposed to sing Oh Canada at a charity hockey game in Brantford on Thursday. Walter Gretsky is dropping the puck! But I've been bumped. =(
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