The Pre-Birthday Blues

I distinctly remember waking up one birthday morning and getting so excited that it was my birthday that I started jumping on my bed. That was last year. No just kidding...I was probably 7 or 8. But the thing is, the excitement of birthdays tapers off more and more every year. Last year I spent the majority of the day being depressed that I was another year older and still hadn't accomplished anything close to what I wanted to by now.

I think I take my birthday too seriously. For a long time I wanted to make a huge deal about it...get all my friends together and do something big and exciting. The downfalls of this are my birthday is in April, prime time for exams, and it's hard enough to get my friends all together in one place at one time. A few of my close friends are still just below the drinking age which also limits places you can go.

So last year I decided to just let my birthday pass me by. I didn't want to hear about it, I didn't want anything to do with it. The only way I acknowledge by birthday is by allowing myself to be selfish for that day lol. I can eat chocolate and other sugar-fat filled things guilt free. Why? Because it's my birthday!

Another thing is, I always want everyone I see to wish me a happy birthday, like at work and such. However, what can you do, go up to them and say "Guess what, it's my birthday, wish me happy birthday!!" That seems awfully self absorbed and I don't want to be like that. So I sit quietly and do my work as if it's just another day. Cause really.....who cares.

I've always wanted a surprise party too but never had one. That's ok. I know they're rare. But it would be pretty cool...who wouldn't want people to go to the trouble of throwing them a party without them knowing. We threw my dad one this year and he loved it. Maybe when I turn 60 someone will throw me one. As for this year...the milestones are running out...I can drive, I can vote, I can drink in Canada, and as of this birthday I will be able to drink in the States. You know, cause I go to the States so often to drink and all. I think the only milestone left is being able to rent a car, which I think is around 24. Won't that be an exciting birthday.

Anyways...April 13...don't forget to not wish me a happy birthday. Thank you.

Canadian Idol...?

What do you guys think??

I was interogated for 10 minutes yesterday about whether I was going to try out for Canadian Idol or not. "You should, you should, just go and do it!" Me: *quivering in proverbial boots*

It's not so much that I don't think I'm good enough, although that is a huge part of it...it's the paranoiya of ending up on the "worst of" show. I would die. Knowing me and how flustered I get under pressure I would say something ridiculous or not resembling english at all, or just fall flat on my face. Literally...I mean, walk in there, trip, and fall flat on my face. It's me, let's face it...it would happen. Also that and the fear of making it to the judge's round and them tearing me apart to the bone...there's probably not too many things more humiliating than being berrated by professional critics on national television. International television I should say...

Those fears aside, there's the more realistic fear: going and not even making it past the first round. "Sorry...you don't even pass the 'can you carry a molody' test". Although that wouldn't really be the worst thing to possibly happen...I mean it's not like it would crush me...I've won scholarships (ok ONE scholarship) for singing before, and got a 90 (first class honours with distinction) on my vocal exam...so I guess I have to be somewhat ok-not-terrible-y?? Bahhh....I'll also have to take time off work...but half the people that push me to audition are from work, so let's hope they don't mind covering for me lol...

My dad of course is ridiculously supportive convinced I could make it into the top 10...I told him he was biased and his response was "absolutely". There's nothing like a parent's blind faith in their child.

Auditions are the end of April. Hopefully I'd get to meet John Dore...he's dreamy.