If you're a guy, don't read this

Have you seen that playtex commercial?? The one that starts off with a female construction worker jackhammering (nice and politically correct...because women are very empowered nowadays) and the laughing and the theme song "It's an ordinary, ordinary day..." Yeah, that commercial, if you're a girl you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you're a guy don't read the next sentence. (Well you shouldn't be reading this anyway if you heeded the warning in the subject line...this sentence doesn't count as the "next" sentence referred to in the previous sentence.) Ok so said commerical bothers me a lot...sure, it's an ordinary day all right...except I'm BLEEDING THROUGH MY UTERUS...what the hell is ordinary about that?? Natural, blah blah, whatever...try telling a bloated women who can't walk from her cramps with hormones raging through her body causing her to change not from Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde but from Jesus to Satan that it's just an ordinary day. I THINK NOT!

Also, I don't know about you, but I always feel like doing yoga and going skinny dipping when I'm on my period...I also never stop smile and giggling and being euphorically happy...JUST LIKE THE GIRLS ON THE COMMERCIALS! Coincidence? I think not. Especially since I'm being sarcastic.

The thing that really bothers me is the same thing with women's anti-perspirant commercials...they try to sell you that you should use their product because you're a strong independent woman. "Strong enough for a man, but made for a women." Apparently that wasn't politically correct enough though so now it's just "strong enough for a woman." Who needs to be compared to those beastly men creatures...we are women, hear us roar.

Independent strong women don't need it sold to them that they are independent strong women. Nor does being an independant strong woman have anything to do with tampons or anti-perspirant. A better ad campaign: "When it's NOT an ordinary day, use our product."

I leave you with one of my favourite jokes that I seldom get to make:
"Where did my pencil go? And why is there a tampon behind my ear??"

A Quick Update

It's been awhile. Let's get caught up:

• My parents have been away for three weeks on a meditteranean cruise. The only time I talked to them was when my dad called into work to talk to someone besides me and I answered the phone. I was excited at the prospect of having to do my own cooking, cleaning and laundry, but the novelty of independence wore off within the first week.
• I bought The Office (American version) Season 1 on DVD. My life is now complete.
• I'm still miserable at my job but some added attention from my supervisor and having some major problems get solved and transfering some of my workload to the people who are actually supposed to be doing it has helped a lot.
• I'm going to see the Arctic Monkeys again tomorrow night (sold out show, woot!) AND possibly stopping by the national tattoo exhibition.
• Yesterday at work I found a file called "Duck Face" in the accounts payable folder on the accounting drive. I found this...well...very humourous.
• Yesterday I thought up two lines that I find amusing: "You're not an idiot you retard" (directed at my lovely friend Kali) and "I don't have to insult your intelligence; you do a good enough job at that yourself." I'm s-m-r-t.
• I still like stuff
• My brother got married to the lovely Larissa. They are happy, we are all happy and no she is not pregnant. Pictures to come.

That's all for now...as you were.

Kissing House

Ever had a dream where you wake up after it and go "DAMN, so this is reality...I totally forgot about it...my dream was so much better!" Hmmm...reading that back it sounds a little dissociative...my brother who works in psychiatry would have a hay day. Holy crap I just said a hay day...I really am turning into my mom. Before you know it I'll be exclaiming "hokey pokey double jointed peanuts!" and "I didn't just fall off the turnip truck you know!"

Uhhh...what was I talking about? Oh yeah...I had one of these dreams last night. Or possibly this morning in between the time my alarm goes off and I hit snooze and wake up again cursing because I slept in.

It's funny how dreams can evoke emotions in you that you seldom or never feel in waking life. I've had a few of these dreams before, and I really mean only a few over my whole life, and it's usually involving some very strong feeling over a guy I've never met. This time it was, of all people, my future husband, House. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I watched House before falling asleep last night. Nope. Two completely unrelated events.

My dream was actually quite normal; a far throw from the usual "wtf"ness of my dreams.

So I think I was a patient of his, and he had previously made it known that he was interested in me, (why are you laughing? It could happen!!) at which point I had turned him down. But now he was leaning over my bed looking me in the eyes and was in the middle of saying something medical when I was overcome with this feeling of love and affection for him. I pulled him in and kissed him. And I gotta say...this kiss was extraordinary. It was perfect. It was passionate but not aggressive. Tender but not soft. And I cupped his face in my hands and he said something beautiful to me that I can't really remember. And I'm pretty sure that's when I woke up and realized I was late for work. @&$#!

I can't relay to you how disappointing it was to wake up from that dream. Don't get me wrong, I love reality and real life. But to take an emotion that you usually feel high on enough in real life and multiply it many times over in your dream is comparable to ecstasy.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's my lunch and I have a date. Just need to grab my pillow and blanket from underneath my desk and I'll be good to go.

Sloganizing Lorraine

Dave sent me this website that you can use to make a slogan for anything. Take a random word, put it in the box, and hit "sloganize". For example, the word "misery" may produce the following slogans:

• Try Misery, You'll Like It.
• A Different Kind Of Company. A Different Kind Of Misery.
• Designed for Misery, Engineered to Last.
• A Day Without Misery is Like a Day Without Sunshine.

However, the funniest thing to make a slogan for is yourself. Check out some of these Lorraine slogans:

• With a name like Lorraine, it has to be good
• Four out of five dentists recommend Lorraine
• The Best Lorraine Under One Roof
• There's no party like a Lorraine party
• You Too Can Have A Lorraine Like Mine.
• Lorraine - Australian for Beer.
• Men Can't Help Acting On Lorraine
• Lorraine comes to those who wait
• Naughty, but Lorraine
• Give that man a Lorraine
• Wow! I could have had a Lorraine!
• Good Lorraine has danish written all over it
• Lorraine makes everything better
• Nothin' says lovin' like Lorraine from the oven

Try it out for yourself:http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi