The Awesomeness That Is LA and Coachella

I think I'll move to California. I meant to bring it home with me in my suitcase, but it just wouldn't fit, no matter how much I sat on the top and yanked on the zipper. Plus, try sneaking that through customs.

Highlights Of My Trip:
-Meeting cool friendly people from all over the world who I thoroughly plan on staying in touch with
-Rage Against the mother f'n Machine
-Seeing multiple awesome bands every day (Do I use the word awesome too much??)
-Going in the pit at Rage. Until I got elbowed in the chest and had the wind knocked out of me. I like being able to breathe.
-Making fun of some dragon movie they showed on my flight to LA
-Not getting mugged/murdered/raped when trying to find my hotel in LA
-Driving down the interstate on a beautiful warm sunny day in a mustang convertible with palm trees lining the side of the freeway
-Driving into a parked car four hours before my flight home while going on three hours of sleep in two days and after I had driven it all over LA, Hollywood, on the Interstate and to Coachella which is a few hours out of the city. I felt like the universe was laughing at me, but I couldn't help laughing too. After a few choice words, that is. Thank God I bought the insurance
-Regina Spector: my new female musical icon
-Staying up all night partying with people from all over the world
-Having some guy steal my malibu rum as compensation for not being able to get into my pants. He was wearing a striped shirt that made him look like Waldo. I found it funny that I was playing a real life Where's Waldo when looking for him the next day to kick him in the shin
-The girl camp official person who was sent to "disperse" us saying "it's funny that they don't know I'm on shrooms" and then joining us
-When telling people I'm from Canada hearing them say "there are SO many Canadians here!" We took over the place, along with the Aussies and British
-Finding "I love my pony" with an obscene drawing written in dirt on the back window of my car when we went to leave Coachella
-Blatantly passing our alcohol over the fence into the campgrounds and not getting caught
-Having my tequila confiscated on the way in to the festival
-Having the son of the hotel owner offer to fly me down to LA whenever I want....? Also finding out he collects tractors. It's different, I'll give him that.
-Picking up an English accent from Johny and his friend James (although apparently it was a southern one and they have a northern one...?)
-Napping on the grass in the cool tent while listening to good music fill the air
-Singing Sublime songs in a circle of strangers with a guitar until the early hours of the morning
-Seeing police in riot gear
-Apparently a chopper told people to disperse or they'll be arrested when they formed a drum circle
-Dancing with some blonde guy from London. Having him make fun of me for asking London Ontario or London England
-Squirt bottles in the "will call" line with Aussies. Also playing Uno with them while waiting
-Chillin' at the pad of our new friends from LA which looked like it was from a movie. It was so LA. I can say that 'cause I've been there now.
-Getting lost amidst some really really nice houses while looking for the f'n Hollywood sign
-Johny getting soaked by some waves when climbing the rocks at Venice Beach
-Always being able to find my tent by looking for the big tent with the pirate flag next to our site

There was more but those are the moments off the top of my head. Right now it's competing with my trip to England/Scotland for being the best trip of my life. Possibly the best experience of my life. Johny was right when he said festival people are the coolest people you will ever meet. And who knew camping would be half the fun of the festival?

I have tones of awesome pictures and video clips but you'll have to look at them on Facebook since I'm too lazy to upload them here. www.facebook.com and look for Lorraine Conley. I should be the only one. I got some great shots, so take a look.

Already planning Coachella reunion 2008.

Coachella, Here I Come

I leave in 8 hours.

I'm scared but excited. Last night I was terrified...there was so much that still needed to be done and arranged. Most of it has been sorted out, but I still can't shake the thought that this is crazy. I've never planned a trip of this magnitude on such short notice, and I also tend to excessively worry about things that could go wrong. But when I look at the coachella website and see pictures of all the campers and look at the message board and see how excited everyone else is and how fun (rather than scary) everything looks, my worries really significantly melt away. And I'm going to meet so many people...including famous people. Thank you Johny and backstage passes. I hope I manage to squeak out something that resembles English and not consisting of "uhhhamm...Hiiiii, yeeeaahhh....I think you're, erm.....uh.....GREAT........totally. Sooo.....I me you famous n'....wha ummm....shnu???"

Maybe I'll just stay down in California, away from offices and paperwork and the shittyness that I've been feeling lately. It's doing things like this that really make me feel like I am living life and not just idly watching it pass me by.

Final thoughts:

-Is three sets of rechargeable batteries for my camera enough?
-Can they see alcohol bottles through x rays in checked baggage?
-I really like my new hair. Unrelated, but still relevant.
-I hope I don't get mugged/beat up/hurt/murdered
-This is going to be awesome

I'M GOING TO CALIFORNIA (gonna live the life...sippin' on tequila night after night...)

Sorry about the gay boy band lyric title. But I've had that song stuck in my head ever since I found out that...well...there's an excellent chance I am going to California. In just under two weeks! You see, there is this little music festival there...I'm not sure if you've heard of it...it's called...COACHELLA!!!!!

I couldn't possibly think of a better birthday present. *cough*This FRIDAY APRIL THE 13th*cough* Rage Against the Machine will be reunited...and I will be there to bask in said reunion. Not to mention the Chili Peppers! They're going to be Red Hot.

To add more randomness to this spontaneous trip, I'm flying down by myself and meeting my friend from England and his friend there. (In a little place called Palm Springs.) Johny English, as I lovingly refer to him, got me a ticket AND since he is related to the guitarist in the Arctic Monkeys, we also have backstage passes!! BACKSTAGE PASSES!!! I've never had backstage passes to anything in my life, besides like, talent shows I've been in. And even then we didn't have backstage passes...or talent for that matter.

Everybody seems to know somebody who is going to this festival. When I told my cousin Rob, he informs me that his friend gets to INTERVIEW Rage Against The Machine and have a photoshoot with them for The Toronto Sun. I told him to hook me up with her. I mean, not sexually. Although I would if it got me in to meet Rage.

So nothing is set for sure yet...I still have to confirm time off work and make sure flights are ok. But I just keep thinking to myself...I am young once, and there is no good reason why I SHOULDN'T go to this. Life is too short to make excuses not to do something amazing. And I'm pretty much at the point where I would say "Uh...you can either give me the time off work or I'm taking the time off work...either way I am going." I'm sorry, I just cannot turn this down.

The only hard thing will be not eating between now and when I leave so that people won't shriek in shock and disgust when they see me in a bikini. Although I've lost a good chunk of weight in the last month or two, I'm still not bikini ready. I am, however, beach and palm trees and good music ready. Goodbye unexpected April snowstorms!

High/Lowlights Of The Season

Good Crap:

• First and foremost, at the very top of the list as I think it is clearly the most important, I was able to find the very last copy of A Muppet Christmas Carol on DVD.
• Turkey dinner. Yumerific.
  
• My family, after 21 years, still forgetting to put the ketchup out for me. Sure, I could just go and put it out MYSELF...but that's so much effort.
  
• Getting drunk off of ONE DRINK at Diana's house. Is dark rum really that much stronger than white rum?? That's the only explanation I can think of
• Sandra's work shift, although ending later than expected, not ending AS late as expected, so we didn't have to postpone our "not so secret santa" gift exchange for another week. It's a festivus miracle!
• Delivering Christmas hampers (laundry baskets full of everything you need for a turkey dinner, including the turkey) to those less fortunate and seeing their gratitude
  
• When Sandra gave me the biggest hug ever after she opened my gift to her containing a homemade scarf. Funny how you end up looking more forward to giving out gifts than receiving them. Same thing with a small photo album I made for my nana.
  
• My brother and I watching hours of clips of the Ali G show on youtube after Christmas dinner
• Finding the last copy of Miracle On 34th Street for my mom; I swear it was sold out EVERYWHERE
• Getting penguin pyjamas from my aunt. My coolness just went up .874 percent
• I received minimal amounts of chocolate, so working off the holiday pounds shouldn't take too long. It's just the pounds that were there before the holidays that may take longer...haha. Ha. *tears*

Bad Crap:

• On the DVD of my Muppet Christmas Carol, they had cut out my favourite song!! The only question I keep asking is why...why!?! WHY!?
• My oldest brother and his wife were in Edmonton over Christmas. Christmas dinner was a lot quieter without his stories and the fun frivolity him and his wife always bring
• Laura Sandra Diana and I didn't get to volunteer at a soup kitchen Christmas Eve like we wanted to. (At least it was because they didn't need volunteers)
  
• I almost took some lady's head off for parking in the handicapped parking without a permit at the mall. I didn't want to freak on her in case she did in fact have one I couldn't see. She clearly was not handicapped. I wish I'd had her towed but something about it being Christmas and crap made me swallow my anger
• My middle brother and his wife were four hours late getting to our house on Christmas Day so we didn't open presents until 5:00 pm. It had already started to get dark lol.
• I always feel really guilty after Christmas for getting stuff...if that makes sense...so much money gets spent on stuff for me that I don't even really need. Makes me feel very materialistic.
• My credit card is crying. I had to take it to the emergency room because it was abused so badly. With lots of band aids and gauze, I think it will recover just in time for the onslaught of February birthdays.
  

All in all I had a lovely holiday season. I feel the magic of Christmas less and less each year but it usually rears it's head when I need it most.

Now onto the magic of New Years...

At Least They Had Ketchup

"Whoa...I could go to jail for what I'm thinking right now." he responded to the polite "hello" I murmured in passing . My expression immediately changed from friendly to a scowl. How did he think I would react to that? "Thank you for making a lewd comment about me, I'm very flattered. I just can't resist your flashy green and red sequin vest, white hair and leather skin. Take me now." I attempted to formulate a witty sarcastic response but anger prevented me from thinking clearly. I quickened my stride and continued on to the bathroom, where much like George Costanza I continued brainstorming clever responses. "Thank you for refreshing my definition of 'dirty old man'." "I could go to jail too after I drown you in the runny scalloped potatoes." "I'm sure you'd make lots of lovely friends there that you can hit on."

I encountered him at a dinner/theater show I went to tonight. He was, I suppose, the entertainer for the dinner portion of the night. He did so by singing I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas (twice because he forgot the second song he was supposed to sing) and making fun of the diners unfortunate enough to be seated near him. He made his attempt at a few jokes too that were all mildly funny and mildly dirty. Thankfully that was the last I saw of him and was free to enjoy the rest of the night with my ex coworkers.

Yes, it was the staff Christmas party, and no, I don't work there anymore, but lucky for me they still like me and wanted me to attend. I had an early Christmas present for my old supervisor; all the work keys I forgot to return for the past five months. She had no idea I still had them. In return she informed me that the two main people I wanted to see couldn't attend. There will be much growling at them via msn.

It's always awkward running into any form of ex, be it an ex girlfriend/boyfriend or ex boss/coworkers. In either situation, you want to look your absolute best and have exciting stories of what has been going on in your life away from them. Such stories never seem to pop into my head, and I just end up nodding a lot and saying "yup, life is good, nope, nothing new with me...you know...yeah. So..." I've never been great with the small talk, but I'm getting better! I don't have to say "LOOK AT THAT!" and point and run away as often as I used to.

Another interesting part of the night was the woman sitting directly across from me. She was wearing a V neck type of dress suit that showed her entire bra when she sat down. I can't really describe it. I COULD describe the bra in full detail since I pretty much saw the whole thing. She was two inches away from having her breasts resting comfortably on her dinner plate, and I can only imagine what sort of strange side dish she would have thought she received when she dug in.

The play was cute, a British comedy about a married couple that both decide to go away and meet the people they are having affairs with, but end up at the same hotel. Then their adulterers end up being married to each other. The play revolves around them avoiding each other and lying so the others don't find out they are having an affair while the hotel owner desperately tries to mediate while being constantly bribed to partake in the charade. It was very well done, and the actors were friendly and chatted/drank with us after the show. "If you'll excuse me for a moment, I'm going to get ridiculously drunk now."

My favourite part of the whole night (aside from being specially served a dish of ketchup at dinner) was getting gas on the way home. That's not to say the night was boring, far from it. But the funniest part was definitely at the gas station. I was driving my mom's car with my mother in the passenger side, and when she saw gas for 76.6 cents she wanted to stop to fill up. In the twenty seconds it took us to turn left at the lights, do a U turn to get around the median and pull into the gas station, the price had changed to 90.3 cents. What absurd timing! My mom cursed in her Christian manner (ie "Oh FIDDLESTICKS" and "DAG NAV IT!") as I tried to contain my laughter. I'm tellin' ya, it's Murphy's Law!! DAMN that Murphy!

After that I came home and tried to capture one of the few times I get dressed up and look half decent, hence my picture I posted with this. I call it "Trying to be mysterious but really being a dork."

I think that pretty much summarizes my night. It had an old man wearing a sequined vest, a funny play, Christian swearing, crazy gas prices and full sight of a woman's bra. Ask for anything more and you're just being selfish.

*originally written the night of Friday December 15, 2006*

An Ode To The Post-Holidays

The holidays are gone, our joy’s been sucked dry
Through crappy gifts and hangovers from whisky and rye

It’s back to work now, with heads down we trudge
The headaches, the traffic that refuses to budge

The Christmas tree that stays up till May or till June
Once disassembled will have to go up just as soon

Our holiday spirits dissolved by the booze
Leaving us with tinsel dragging on our shoes

With our bank accounts empty we’ll work off the pounds
Accumulated from turkey and too many rounds

We’ve spent, dined and travelled beyond compare
But feel comfy in our new socks and underwear

Valentine’s is depressing, Easter’s nowhere near,
It’s the beloved holiday lull that comes once a year

The Assholes Of The Season

1. Drivers. Not surprisingly first on my list. Two people changed lanes almost into the front of my car on the way home from work today. Idiots. Monkeys I tell you!

2. An ex relative of mine. Really. I can't believe some people exist. I think he is pure evil. The scum that grows on scum. The devil not so much in disguise. Mr. Burns without any humour or secret good side that once in awhile surprisingly surfaces. Dog crap after it's been eaten by another dog and crapped out again. Yes. My only satisfaction is knowing that as in all good/evil stories, the bad guy gets what's coming to him in the end. And by golly, he is long overdue for his comeuppance.

3. Bitchy people in stores. Not the workers. The other shoppers. I heard one lady ahead of me in line at Staples today being very rude to the clerk. I felt like saying to her "it's the holidays...don't be a bitch. *zig zag snap*

4. Me. Well. Just today really. Now that my last stressful day of work is over I'm good to go.

Merry Christmas Everybody.

The Work Christmas Party

I felt bad for the dj...I think people danced to maybe five songs he played. Evidently people at my work would much rather sit around at their tables looking bored than make an effort to have an enjoyable time.

Highlights include:

• Getting drunk in front of my parents
• Keeping my friend in check who had a bit too much...
• Winning a bottle of Jack Daniels, playing cards and dice
• Trying to dance in a tight long skirt and three inch heels while everyone else who was too lazy to dance takes pictures of the idiots trying to dance
• Accusing the bar tender of cunningly placing the mistletoe above the bar so he could get some action
• The DJ and I kept looking at each other (we were doing the flirting without talking thing. I'm so forward I am! I eventually went to talk to him...)
• My mom coming up and trying to talk with me and the guy I was flirting with. She really thought there was nothing wrong with this. "Mom...I love you...go away."
• Watching my parents FAST dance...a sight I have never seen, and don't wish to see ever again
• Being the most dressed up person there (IDA YOU PROMISED TO WEAR A SKIRT YOU LIAR!) but really not minding it...
• Having five minutes to do my hair and actually being able to make it look fancy and good for once...I SUCK at doing hair...
• Eating the salads of both the people who sat to my left and my right. And my own.
• Almost getting into an argument with my boss about capitalism
• Finding a wine I can actually drink without making a face
• I just remembered I forgot to tip the bar tender...but we had drink tickets AND drinks were $5.00!! Come ON!!
• Dripping ketchup on my breast by accident, and then trying to look nonchalent as I wiped it off
• Myles: "I'm Irish!" Me: "That's your answer for everything!"
• Selling the pointsetta I won to Myles for $10. Feeling bad that I kept it even though he wouldn't take it back.
• Hearing my boss tell a story how he and the cleaning guy got drunk after hours once
• Accidentally overhearing my dad bragging about me. Then accidentally hearing how he thought I wouldn't be able to win Canadian Idol but that I would do well in it. (Thanks daddy)
• Michelle taking someone else's wine from their table cause we ran out
• Michelle loading me up with drink tickets (How did she get so many extra??)

That's all I can remember, although that's probably cause I killed a few brain cells that night.

All in all, it was some good times. I requested that we have one every week. Then again, I also requested open bar and ketchup at my table and that didn't happen...